Comedic RP; ShopRong Retail

Ashes rose furiously as the lights in the building flashed, giving the place a cold and haunting look. A neon logo above the entrance flickered, sending down a shower of sparks. It was not unlike a venn diagram, with the ShopRong brand plastered in the center. If one were to step inside, they would see that the interior was modeled as if the architect was a child; completely mismatched wallpaper and floor tiling (like, what were you thinking? Those colors? With THAT tile? Ridiculous.), with departments arranged in a disheveled mess. There's a food court with questionable ingredients and sanitation, and a lounging area that perfectly captures the solar energy needed to power the pre-arranged bloodstone circle. It was apparent that several health-code violations had been achieved, perhaps some not even yet thought of. The Wi-Fi is patchy and laggy, the food is likely infected, and the tension in the air is thick.

A young girl clad in black clothes glances at you from the registers, putting down the magazine she was reading.

"So, like, this place is in a realm between realms. My name is Xenon Arachne Blood Dark'ling Ailuro, and I'm a cashier at ShopRong. This is a totally goffik place where anyone from any world or universe can shop for, like... I don't even really know what we sell here? But whatevs. So, um, there were a few store rules that managers said I should tell you about, but I'd rather make out with my gothic boyfriend. So figure it out yourself."

She nods towards a framed sign on the wall by the entrance.

Rules:

"If you need anything, don't bother going to HR. They're a primordial mass of eldritch gods that are only able to be contacted with sacrifices of elderberry wine and classical music. They're also wrapped around Banryu's finger. And there's Darwin, I guess, but like... no, just don't go to HR."

A single, white sports car pulls up to the side of the building, its door slamming open and then promptly slamming shut as the driver seemed to contemplate whether getting out of the car was even worth it. Finally, after an audible, albeit drowned down groan from inside the car, the door opens once more as Riven, the enigmatic leader of the Sinister Society from NewGen's 'BnHA: Rise of the Next Generation'. He sighs, a clipboard tucked under his arm and his usual, white suit replaced with a white, button-down shirt, black tie, black pants, and black work shoes. Pinned to the side of his shirt sits a silver name tag with the words "Riven, Store Manager" etched into it in black letters.

The villain sighs, a puff of fog from the morning chill causing his breath to become visible. As he enters the store, looking around the horribly mismatched style of the place, he can feel the existential dread creeping in. Yes....this was his life now.

"Mr. Riven! Good morning, Mr. Riven!" a voice calls out, accompanied by the sound of a motorized wheelchair rolling. The source of the voice, the villain Darwin, approaches Riven, wearing similar attire over his sluggish, slimy, blue body. The only difference between he and Riven's attire was that his name tag read 'Dr. Darwin, Human Resources'. "Did you have a nice evening, Mr. Riven?"

"Ugh...Tell me again, why are we doing this, Darwin? This is so...humiliating."

The slug villain nods, closing his eyes as he responds. "Well, Mr. Riven, with the rise of this new multiverse trope currently sweeping, the Sinister Society needed a means to gain funds in this new multiuniversal nexus. So, to generate these 'Ducats', we were able to invest in several food and luxury item production facilities as well as this building. We had everything we needed for our own chain...of grocery store. However, the backers who allowed us to acquire said facilities had a condition...they would become our corporate board of directors. Speaking of which...there's a memo in your emails."

Riven's eyes widen as he glances to Darwin. "Please tell me it isn't who I think it is..."

Darwin nods. "Yep...he's coming."

Riven immediately runs to his office, a small hole in the wall, literally, with a door poorly and shoddily put over it, and slams said shoddy door as he practically dives into his computer chair and starts up the work PC in front of him. When he opens his emails, he only slouches in defeat. "I. Am so. Fucked."

The Email said thus;

"I am coming to your store today. Prepare your anus.

-King Nifelheim, Lord of Demons, Monarch of the Demon Kingdom of Dis, Breaker of Mortals, Devourer of Souls, Tempter, Deceiver, the True Enemy to the Kingdom of Myrr, Majesty of the Throne of Skulls, Most Excellent One Born of the Great Nameless One, and District Manager."

A few minutes late, as per usual, strolls in a female with black pigtails and an eyepatch. Instead of her normal black and orange attire, Loka wore a white shirt with an obnoxious pink vest, ripped black skinny jeans (because fuck you, they're comfortable), and black wedges. On her vest is a silver name tag that read:

"Loka Chicole, Customer Service Manager."

The dark haired female refused to make eye contact with anyone as she chugged the 32 ounce coffee from the Awaw gas station down the road. 

"Th' big wigs comin' in, boss?" She rubs her good eye, tired as all he'll. "Furrison in Yet?"

A slender woman with long dark hair gently flowing just beneath her shoulders had just emerged from the back room.  Her white polo was unbuttoned just enough to expose some cleavage, while her smooth, gray slacks had perfectly conformed to her body's shape.  Her nails were done in a blood-red color, and her badge was hung around her black lanyard; whenever it flipped to the front, it would read: Hizuna Miyara, Assistant Manager.

Walking up to the front of the store, having just read the email herself, she sought out Store Manager Riven, but instead saw Xenon batting her goffik eyelashes as she turned the pages of her magazine.

Striding over to the cashier, Hizuna gingerly tapped on the top of the magazine and smiled at the girl.  "Xenon, hunny, have you seen Mr. Riven?"  She took back her finger and pointed it to her lips.  "Oh, and please be on your best behavior today.  We're expecting visitors, so be punctual with your breaks.  Especially if you're going to have lunch with that cute boyfriend of yours~"

While she did like to joke around with the staff by acting so promiscuous, Hizuna never bothered with anyone that made less than her.

Riven had already slammed his head into the desk, leaving an indent as his head remained partially implanted in the cheap, plywood and plastic desk. He turns his head and looks up at Loka, his eyes now bloodshot with stress.

"I haven't seen that cannibalistic muppet anywhere...and normally, I'd count that as a blessing, but we need the floral department in top shape. Front end, too. The whole store needs to get ready...Mr. Nifelheim is coming, and from his email...he's not happy. Its probably because our sales have been tanking for the past week...I TOLD those idiots at Corporate that if we're doing a Felonious Friday sale, we need to put in more for advertising! But nooooooooo, 'The weekly flyer will be fiiiiiiine', they said! Ugh...these inter-dimensional business types have no minds for retail..."

He sits up, sighing as he rubs his temples. "Loka, be a gem and make sure the cashiers aren't slacking off today? If Nifelheim sees that, he'll string you AND me up by our toenails from the store sign....I'm dead serious. He did it to me once. It was NOT pleasant."


~The Meat and Seafood department~

Meanwhile, in the back of the meat and seafood counter, a tall Demon with redish skin, long stringy black hair tied back in a pony tail, and a set of sharp, metal jaws instead of lips or teeth can be seen wearing a ShopRong hat, a white butcher's jacket, black pants, slip resistant shoes, and a silver name tag that read "Irituum, Meat Department manager" can be seen using a meat cleaver to cut steaks and package them in black trays with clear plastic wrap. With a sigh, he takes the cleaver and throws it into the wall behind him, startling the woman at the seafood prep station behind him. "Grrrr....BAILONG! How many times do I have to tell you...KEEP YOUR FILTHY SQUID AWAY FROM MY CHUCK ROASTS! I CAN SMELL THE INK ON MY BOXES!"

Meanwhile, at the counter, the single attendant there was a tall, grey-skinned humanoid with spiky, brown hair, yellow eyes, and a strong but slender build. He wore a white coat similar to what Irituum and the woman called Bailong wore, as well as a hat similar to Irituum's. On his name tag were the words "Hanya, Meat/Seafood associate". Hanya sighs when he hears Irituum yelling, rolling his eyes.

"There they go again...."


~Beer/Wine/Tobacco Department~

At the far end of the store was a massive beer garden, complete with tables for dining and a cooler stocked with non-alcoholic beverages like sodas, iced tea, juices, and energy drinks. Along the far back wall of the area was an enormous wine selection, with nearly every type of wine and vintage imaginable. Behind the checkout counter, there was a large case filled with different types of tobacco and smokable products. All over the department, massive signs that read "ALL ALCOHOL AND TOBACCO MUST BE PURCHASED AT THE CAFE REGISTER" hung from the ceiling, and at the checkout counter itself, a massive neon sign reading "WE CARD EVERYBODY, NO EXCEPTIONS! ITS THE LAW!" flashes and flickers.

Behind the counter stood a large humanoid with metalic, scaly skin and a strong, bulky physique. His eyes were reptilian and red, and his hair was black, slick, and kept in a braid that hung over his left shoulder. He wore a standard ShopRong black polo and black slacks with black sneakers, his head covered by a black ShopRong cap, and his silver nametag reading "Koda Banryu, Beer/Wine/Smoking Lead".

Banryu seemed to be dealing with a rather irate middle-aged Fenrir gentleman in full armor, who seemed insulted by something. The man pointed his finger in Banryu's face, snarling. "I DARE YOU TO ASK ME FOR THAT AGAIN, YOU SHIT!"

Banryu sighs, his face deadpan as he nods. "I said...'May I see your ID, sir?'. Its kinda the law. I need to scan it so the computer will-"

"EAT MAMMOTH SHIT! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I'M IVAR GORE-FANG, OF THE FROSTGUARDIAN ARMY! I'VE BEEN KILLING THINGS LONGER THAN YOU'VE BEEN ALIVE, YOU PUNK!"

Banryu just sighs again. "So...are you going to show me your ID or not?"

The wolf-man seems almost taken-back by Banryu's brazenness. "NO, I WON'T! THAT'S A STUPID LAW AND YOU'RE STUPID FOR FOLLOWING IT! GO BACK TO YOUR OWN DIMENSION, YOU-"

Banryu holds up one hand, stopping the man mid-sentence. "I'm gonna have to stop you right there, chiefy...I got something for you."

Ivar raises an eyebrow. "What?!"

Banryu then points to the top of the desk, to a sign that reads "Any customers who become hostile can and will be forcefully ejected from the building." Banryu then snaps his fingers, whistling to get the Fenrir to look back up at him. When he does, Banryu has a big grin on his face. "YOU WIN A BIG RIP!"


~The Front End~

As Hizuna talks to Xenon, they suddenly can hear a large boom as a man, the Fenrir who went to the beer garden, suddenly is sent flying past their heads, whipping out the front door from being pelted by a massive blast of steam. All the way over at the cafe, they can hear Banryu yell "AND STAY OUT, YA DORKY OLD MONGREL! NO BOOZE FOR YOU!"

"Idk. I don't keep track of the diet-goffik people." Xenon replied nonchalantly, not looking up from her magazine as she spoke. Instead, she kicked her feet up on the register's desk, revealing the pile of ShopRong snack wrappers and chip bags she'd been eating during the shift. She stifles a yawn as she lazily turned another page, but let out an irritated sigh when Hizuna didn't immediately leave. "Ugh... He's prolly shitting himself in the back. I'm p sure he has an emergency supply of adult diapers in there. It's whatev."

The goth girl pauses her reading for a moment before her eyes widen at what she's just seen on the page. "Wait... omg, there's gonna be a new Dark Dark Death album?? Rawr, bitch, Momma's gotta get her paws on that!"

She ducks her head slightly, enough for the man sent flying past to avoid a direct collision with her.

Hizuna's eye twitched, a blood vessel likely popping somewhere on her head.  She was used to Xenon's major sass, as it was almost a prerequisite to work here, but she did not take kindly to the throwing of customers, even if they did deserve it.

"Excuse me, dear angsty one," she told Xenon, spinning around on her heels and marching off toward the direction of the one who threw the armored man.

When she eyed the swinging sign that the customer likely hit on his way over that read "Beer/Wine/Tobacco," she knew just who she was about to deal with.

"Banryu, sweetie~" she called from a few aisles away.  "Can I talk with you for a moment?"

Meanwhile, a trio of customers entered the shop. All three of them were anthropomorphic animals, but they all looked different. One was a megabat, another an albino echidna, and then third, a tall green gecko. They seemed to be arguing about something.

"Look, you told me what kind of fuel I need to get, so why do you have to come in?" the white and red echidna whined to the bat.

"Because I know you're going to screw it up again like you did on the last planet. We need the good stuff, if we're going to make it to the next system. Unless you want to pay for every planet's worth of fuel??" the bat scolded, clearly knowing what he was talking about.

"Hey, Captain, there weren't any signs on the door that specifically said they had an automotive department..." the gecko in the trenchcoat nervously chimed in. "What should we do if they don't have anything to offer us?"

"We'll worry about that later," the echidna waved off, as if transportation wasn't crucial to their job as interstellar mercenaries.