Toxarine and the Book of Memories

Falling.

That’s the feeling that I remember as I dreamed. Where once there was warmth, a chilling cold started to flow across my body like a rippling wave of water. I could feel myself oriented with my face to the ground. But I could not wake up. Something kept me asleep.

After what felt like decades, my eyes finally snapped open and I raised my head up. The darkness greeted me. An empty, blackness was my surroundings. Faint shapes and colors of different creatures floated and littered the space near me. But try as I might, I could not remember why they were there. Nor how they had gotten there. I could feel a solid ground beneath my feet. And yet, my eyes could not see it. I looked down and saw golden fur all over my body. I had paws and a long bushy tail. Ears that were wide and captured the smallest sound. I could feel them atop my head, swiveling around and trying to find some kind of noise. Any hint that I wasn’t alone where I was.

Nothing.

I got myself up onto my paws, stumbling slightly at first. But once I had gained my balance with my tail, I looked around once more. Still, not a single creature or sound greeted my presence. I padded forward through the blackness that surrounded me. I could not remember anything. I knew I was a fox, but had no memory or semblance of my identity.

I nudged a floating creature with my snout, unable to garner a kind of response from it. Were the creatures who were here....Were they dead? Why? I examined them for any kind of reasoning that could be why it had wound up here. I looked all over its tiny body. It had long ears, a tiny ball of fluff for a tail and what looked like strong back legs that were meant for jumping. But nowhere on its faded, light brown fur did I see any kind of injury or sign or sickness. It appeared healthy. Uninjured even.

I became curious so I turned and looked at a creature that was nearby, lying on the ground. It was a large grey creature with thick fur and sharp teeth and claws. Its tail was like mine but smaller and less bushy. But again, the longer I examined it, the less information I could find out about it. No injuries. No signs of sickness. Nothing. It seemed like all that there was in this place was nothing.

I raised my head again and looked around, stretching my sight as far as it could go. Then, I saw something. A tiny light, glinting in the distance. I thought to myself;

‘Is it real? Is it that size and am I just close to it? Or is it simply far away?’

I turned my body and padded along towards the light I saw, feeling the cold on my pads with every step. Though, the cold didn’t seem to bother me as much as the distance through which I had to traverse the darkness around me. I felt bumps and tiny slopes beneath my paws as I walked, finding it odd that such a dark place seemed to have any kind of topography at all.

But then finally I was in front of it. The light was about twice my size and round. It was warm too. I felt myself being drawn towards it, my paws gently moving forward as I walked into the orb of warmth. I felt comfort when I was there and for a brief moment, I felt warmth slip across my fur as the cold had done before.

Then my vision changed. Suddenly I was in a large field of freshly cut grass. But lying in front of me was not a town or a city or even a forest for that matter. It was a small oasis with an oak tree, a fresh pool of water and a small rectangular object that laid in front of the tree.

I walked up to it and sat down in front of the object, nudging it with my nose. It smelled so familiar to me and yet....it was so foreign. And the name across the front of it....It too sounded familiar.

Toxarine.

Who is this person? It didn’t sound like anyone that I knew and yet...Still that feeling of familiarity remained. I made the brave decision to touch the strange object with my paw, placing the furry limb over the top of it. Immediately, my mind was filled with information beyond anything that I had already known. Visions filled my head of different animals that lived in a large field not unlike the one that I was in now. But all of that information….It was too much! It made my head throb and ache as if someone had taken a heavy object and bashed me in the head with it.

I took my paw off of the object, now identified to me as a ‘book’, and stepped back a little from it. I stared at it as if it were going to burst into flames at any moment, fearful of what else the strange book could do to me. But after a few moments of fearful onlooking, my ears having been swiveled back and flattened onto my head, the book never moved or did anything else. Slowly I approached it again, head down as I cautiously sniffed at it. It still smelled the same and nothing about it appeared to have changed.

With a huff from my nostrils, I padded past the book and wandered over to the crystal clear waters of the pond that was in front of the oak tree nearby. I gazed into the waters and saw my reflection for the first time. I saw that I had an odd set of reddish eyes and my snout had black fur that tipped just the end of it. My ears were the same and had black fur on the bottoms of my paws. It was then that I realized that I was an animal; a fox to be more precise.

I stepped back from the waters and looked myself over once again. Nothing looked out of the ordinary. I was still fine and looked normal, despite the scare from the strange book from before. I looked over at the book and watched it for another moment. It had shown me so much information in such a short period of time but...perhaps that was only because I had placed my paw over the cover of it? What would happen if I opened it?

Curiosity took over the fear as I padded back to the book, slowly bending down and poking the edge of the cover with my snout. Astonishingly, no images or information flooded my mind again. That definitely made me feel a lot better. I opened my mouth and gingerly picked up the cover of the book and moved it aside, opening it. Inside the book there was a lot of writing and pictures. I didn’t understand any of it however. It was like some form of alien language to me, the likes of which I would never be able to comprehend.

Though, I remembered that when I had put my paw to the book, it had shown me things in the way that I understood. I raised my paw up, and looked at it for a moment, thinking about what I was about to do. Would the same thing happen as before? Once again, curiosity overtook my fear of what danger this book possessed to me and I set my paw down onto the page.

Instantaneously my surroundings filled up with all manner of plant and animal life! I was in awe as I looked around at the newly filled surroundings that I could see. But so many strange and new things were all over the place! There was even a very strange object near my tree that I could only identify as a box with holes in it. It looked large enough to house a small animal like me but….When I took my paw off of the page, the box disappeared. I blinked once. I blinked twice. Then I placed my paw back onto the page. Just as before, a small box showed itself to me.


‘What is that thing?’ I thought to myself. ‘What kind of creature could it possibly belong to?’

I looked down at the book and it showed me a small animal that was curled up inside of it. It had tiny ears and brown and white patterned fur. It’s tail was nothing like mine as it was longer and much skinnier. I moved my paw onto the picture and a word filled my mind when it was over the tiny creature.

Cat.

Was that what that creature was? But what was so significant about a cat? I brought my muzzle down to the page and flipped it past my paw, moving my paw over the new page and looking at the picture again. This time, a phrase entered my head.

Alone in the dark.

I shook my head and scrunched up my nose. What was that supposed to mean? I looked over the page on the other side of the book and spotted a golden fox curled up with the cat. It made me halt my thought process. Was that….me? But if that was me, then….

I nosed the book closed and stared at the cover’s name once again. ‘Toxarine….’ I repeated the name to myself in my head. The name was so familiar…. ‘Is this….my name?’ I thought. But if this was my name, then that would mean that this is my book. I sat back onto my haunches as I slowly put the pieces together in my head. Everything was coming together for me. My name was Toxarine and this book….Perhaps it contains my memories? Things that are important to me?

Then I remembered the lush field full of plant and animal life and narrowed my eyes at how barren the plains of grass were around me. What happened here? Where had everyone gone? Were all of the plants and animals that lived here my friends? Was I supposed to find them and return them here once again? Every time I thought about a possible answer to my questions, two more questions would pop up in my head. It was maddening.

With a hollow sigh, I padded away from the book and lapped at the pool of water in front of me. It was so cool and refreshing. The more that I drank, the thirstier that I got as I continued to sate my thirst. Soon enough my body no longer felt the need to consume more of the liquid in the pond and I laid down onto my belly and settled my paws around my body and muzzle. I laid my head down between my two front legs. My tail swished around to curl up around the left side of my body and I let out a long yawn. I was feeling tired. Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to sleep? Before I knew it, I had closed my eyes and everything began to drift away once more.